When the World Stops Making Sense
You know that feeling when the world just doesn’t make sense? For me, it hit hard when I was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, mortality was staring me in the face, and I found myself thinking, “What the hell am I doing here? Where am I going? What’s the point of all this?” It’s a gut-wrenching, terrifying place to be. Makes you feel small and lost in this big, chaotic universe.
When you’re that vulnerable, that scared, that’s when someone offering answers feels like a lifeline. Could be a charismatic guru, a political movement, even a self-help book. Doesn’t matter. What matters is they’re saying, “Hey, I’ve got it figured out. Follow me, and you will too. Their words buzz in your ears like an incessant mantra, promising clarity in the chaos.
And man, when you buy into it, it feels good. Really good. Like you’ve finally cracked the code. You’ve got purpose, direction. You’re part of something bigger than yourself. It’s intoxicating. You can almost taste the promise of enlightenment on your tongue.
But the thing is – and I’ve learned this the hard way – life isn’t a puzzle with a single solution. It’s messy, complicated, and constantly changing. Those neat answers? They’re oversimplifications at best, manipulative lies at worst.
See, the people offering these “absolute truths”? They’re tapping into our deepest insecurities, our need for belonging and meaning. It’s not always malicious, but it’s powerful. They use language in clever ways, redefining words like “freedom” or “responsibility” until you’re trapped in a mental maze of their making.
Before you know it, you’re parroting phrases that sound profound but actually limit your thinking. You’re so busy trying to fit yourself into their worldview that you lose touch with your own inner voice, your own experiences. The weight of their teachings sits on your shoulders like a yoke, bending you to their will.
It’s a mindfuck, really. You think you’re growing, evolving, becoming “enlightened.” But in reality, you’re shrinking, confining yourself to a narrow way of seeing the world. Your “freedom” becomes a cage built of words and ideas that aren’t even your own. Your skin prickles with the electric charge of group devotion, mistaking conformity for growth.
Re-De-Fine
Breaking free? It’s tough. These beliefs become part of your identity. Questioning them feels like questioning your whole self. But that discomfort, that uncertainty you feel when you start to doubt? That’s growth. That’s your authentic self pushing back against the borrowed certainty you’ve been clinging to. The silence after questioning feels deafening, but it’s in this silence that your true voice begins to emerge.
Breaking free is like relearning your own language. These ideologies, they don’t just give you new words – that’d be too obvious. No, what’s really insidious is how they twist the meaning of words you thought you knew. Remember that poem I wrote, “The Vocabulary of Chains”? That’s exactly what it’s about.
They take familiar words – freedom, responsibility, love – and subtly redefine them. Suddenly, “freedom” means following their rules. “Responsibility” becomes a stick to beat yourself with. “Love” turns into a tool for control. It’s like they’ve hijacked your entire vocabulary, and with it, your ability to think clearly.
You’ve been speaking their distorted language for so long, you’ve almost forgotten what these words truly mean to you. Breaking free means questioning everything – not just the new concepts they’ve introduced, but especially the old, familiar words you thought you understood.
Re-Framing Respons-Ibility
These ideologies don’t just introduce new concepts – they redefine familiar ones in subtle, insidious ways. Take “responsibility,” for instance. It seems straightforward, right? But in the hands of these groups, it becomes a powerful tool of control.
“In responsibility lies freedom,” they say. And you know what? There’s truth in that. Taking responsibility for your life can be empowering. But here’s where it gets twisted: they get you chanting, “I’m responsible for everything,” and suddenly, you’re shouldering the weight of the world while they’re off the hook.
See, it’s a clever sleight of hand. You start blaming yourself for everything – your doubts, your struggles, even their mistakes. Meanwhile, the leader, the guru? They’re absolved of all responsibility. If something goes wrong, it’s on you. If you’re not happy, not “enlightened” enough? That’s on you too.
It’s a way of keeping you in line, keeping you striving and never quite measuring up. You’re so busy taking responsibility for every little thing that you don’t notice how they’re dodging accountability for the big stuff.
Real responsibility isn’t about self-blame or giving leaders a free pass. It’s about recognizing what’s actually in your control, what isn’t, and having the wisdom to know the difference. It’s about holding yourself accountable, sure, but also being willing to hold others – including your leaders – accountable too.
Re-Claim
You’ve got to start asking: What does freedom really mean to me? What about responsibility? Love? Truth?
It’s not easy. You’ll stumble, you’ll doubt yourself. There will be days when their twisted definitions seem to make perfect sense. But every time you choose to reclaim a word, to rediscover its true meaning for yourself, you’re breaking a link in that chain.
It’s slow, it’s painful, but it’s real growth. And bit by bit, you’ll find your way back to your own voice, your own understanding. That’s true freedom – not some pre-packaged idea of enlightenment, but the freedom to think, to question, to define your world in your own terms. To be authentically you.
Look, I’m not saying all spiritual paths or ideologies are bullshit. But blind acceptance of anyone’s “absolute truth”? That’s a one-way ticket to losing yourself. Real growth, real freedom? It’s in embracing the questions, sitting with the discomfort of not knowing. It’s about finding your own way, even when that way isn’t clear. Because at the end of the day, the only path that matters is the one that feels true to you.
The Vocabulary of Chains
“In Responsibility lies Freedom,” he began,
A liturgy woven to blindfold the clan.
He spoke, we nodded; his words set the mold
for a mantra recited, a psyche controlled.
“Your ability to respond,” he declared,
his sermon resounding in ears unprepared.
Convoluted notions in every phrase,
a labyrinth built from a semantic haze.
I pledged my belief, a vow I embraced,
‘I am responsible,’ a line we’ve all faced.
Yet tying my spirit by binding my will, this newfound rule
wasn’t just words; it was a self-imposed duel.
He said I was free, as I chanted each line,
but freedom, it seems, is a construct, a sign.
In shackles of syntax, my spirit confined,
the “freedom” he preached was a state of the mind.
(2022 © Julia Delaney)
The way out of the maze of absolute truths isn’t about finding a new set of answers, but embracing the questions, learning to navigate the uncertainty with confidence. It’s about reclaiming your voice, your thoughts, your very self. The path isn’t always clear, and that’s okay. Because in that space of not knowing, we find room to grow, to explore, to truly live. Your path is uniquely yours – messy, challenging, beautiful in its complexity. And that’s exactly as it should be.
Be Alive 🌱
Love ❤️, Julia
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Resources
If you’re struggling to break free from a manipulative group or ideology, know that you’re not alone. There are resources out there.
Books
✧ “Take Back Your Life” by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias
✧ “Combating Cult Mind Control” by Steven Hassan
✧ “Cults in Our Midst” by Margaret Thaler Singer
✧ “Escaping Utopia: Growing Up in a Cult, Getting Out, and Starting Over” by Janja Lalich
Online Resource
✧ Mark Vicente YouTube channel
✧ International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) website: www.icsahome.com
✧ Freedom of Mind Resource Center: freedomofmind.com
✧ The Cult Education Institute: www.culteducation.com
Therapy Resources
✧ Seek therapists specializing in trauma, PTSD, and cult recovery;
✧ EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can be particularly helpful for processing cult-related trauma
Documentaries
✧ “The Vow” (HBO series)
✧ “Wild Wild Country” (Netflix series)
✧ “Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief”
✧ “Holy Hell”
Support Groups
✧ ICSA Recovery Workshops (held annually)
✧ Local support groups (can often be found through mental health professionals or ex-member networks)”
Everyone’s journey is unique. What works for one person might not work for another. It’s okay to explore different resources and find what resonates with you. The important thing is to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
FROM MY HEART TO YOURS
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