Self-esteem? I don’t have any. You see, I don’t think there is such a thing. Self-esteem doesn’t exist; it is a construct or an idea. There is no need for anybody to validate or evaluate themselves this way. Self-esteem always happens through someone’s eyes, from someone’s perspective, through comparison.

Picture yourself starting a new workout routine. After a few weeks, you feel stronger and more energetic. Your friend compliments your progress, and your self-esteem skyrockets. But then, you come across a social media post of someone who’s been working out for years, with an incredibly toned physique. Suddenly, your self-esteem takes a hit, and you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Our self-esteem is influenced not only by the opinions of others but also by the standards we set for ourselves based on external influences. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others and their achievements. But the thing is, self-esteem is a fragile and ever-changing notion, dependent on how we measure ourselves against the world around us.

So, they say you have to elevate your self-esteem. I say, you have to change your perspective and through which eyes you’re looking at yourself. And yes, there are always gonna be eyes through which you look like a total idiot; like when you’re at the park, sitting cross-legged, practicing deep breathing exercises. To some, it’s a display of mindfulness and self-care, while to others, it might seem strange or eccentric.

But you know, just because some people see a frog doesn’t mean you have to croak. And you can always find those eyes through which you are just a phenomenal being. So, you can do it, change your perspective, look at yourself through those loving eyes.

Our self-esteem works in much the same way. People’s judgments and opinions of us are shaped by their individual preferences, experiences, and biases. One person might think you’re the life of the party, while another might see you as too loud or boisterous. The key is to recognize that these varying opinions don’t define our worth.

Steam Off Self-Esteem

In the game of esteem, 
we’ve each got a key, 
Not to play, not to strive, 
but to simply be free. 
A construct, a maze, 
it may seem a must; 
but your worth’s not a game; 
in yourself, place your trust.
No need for others to judge or define,
Your value’s innate, 
not a steep hill to climb.
Some may say ‘Elevate!’ or ‘Strive to be more!’
But in being yourself, you’ve so much to explore.
Whose eyes are gazing? 
What do they see?
A playful goose or a purposeful bee?
Some see a frog, and that’s quite okay,
Yet you don’t have to croak in their judgment all day.
Find those eyes that see You, 
just as you are;
With room to reach for your own brilliant star.
Give it a whirl, 
this being, 
this view,
You’re enough in yourself, 
both the dream and the proof.

(2020 © Julia Delaney)

Julia Delaney and pinky

Imagine we’re sitting by a beautiful river, watching the water flow and the world go by. Each of us is like a different stone in that river, shaped and polished by our experiences. Some stones might catch more attention, while others might blend in, but every single one has its own charm and purpose.

The thing is, we often get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, thinking that we’re not good enough or that we need validation from those around us. But what if we changed our perspective? What if we looked at ourselves through the eyes of someone who truly appreciates us? Someone who sees the beauty in our unique shape and texture, just like each stone in the river.


When we start to see ourselves this way, we can let go of the need for external validation. It’s like finding that perfect spot by the river, where the sun shines just right, and the water feels perfect on our skin. In that moment, we don’t need anyone else’s approval or judgment to feel good about ourselves. We simply exist, as we are, and that’s enough.

Shifting focus away from self-esteem and toward self-acceptance is what I like. We’re all part of this incredible, ever-changing world, and our worth isn’t determined by how others see us. Instead, I like to celebrate our own uniqueness and embrace the beauty that lies within each of us.

When we recognize our own inherent value, our own innate beauty, and our own unique strength, we are able to live more fulfilling, authentic lives filled with genuine self-love and acceptance.

Be Alive 🌱
Love ❤️, Julia

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