Grief: Strength Beneath the Rubble

Strength Beneath the Rubble

You know, when it felt like my world was crumbling around me, I had to muster the courage within me to start sifting through the emotional wreckage, looking for the hidden joy beneath all the rubble.

One of the things I had to do was allow myself to feel everything, to let my emotions pour out unfiltered. Honestly, this was one of the most challenging things I ever did. Some days, I’d find myself crying until everything felt numb, letting the hot tears release a bit of my pain. Other times, a memory would gently bubble up, lifting the corners of my mouth into a tender smile, reminding me of happiness in its purest form.

There were days when rage would erupt from nowhere, a fierce and fiery beast gnawing at my insides. And then, there were times when I felt a strange calm would wash over me, like a serene lake on a still morning. Emotions I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling rose to the surface – a tumultuous blend of sadness, anger, nostalgia, and even a flicker of hope.

On some lonely nights, I’d be overcome with longing for what once was, my heart aching under the unbearable weight. How can you miss someone so deeply, so intensely, that it feels as if a silent scream is building up inside you, threatening to shatter your existence into a million pieces?!… And then, as if out of nowhere, gratitude would sneak up on me during quiet moments, reminding me of the love and warmth I had experienced.

It felt like I was caught in a whirlwind of emotions, my heartstrings being tugged in every direction. But I realized that embracing these feelings, rather than pushing them away, was a crucial part of my healing process. Each tear, each laugh, each sigh was a step forward on my way to rediscovery.

So I allowed myself to feel without judgment, to express my emotions in their rawest form. And through this process, I began to see the glimmers of happiness that had been quietly waiting for me all along.

Uncharted Core

Peeling away my hardened shell,

where silent secrets often dwell…

To feel it all, 

the heart’s unfiltered core, 

a daunting task, 

like mapping an uncharted shore;

tears traced paths 

till all sensations fray,

purging pain, 

releasing anguish away… 

 

Yet, within the hollow echoes

of sorrow’s tide,

bubbled up sweet memories,

gentle in their glide,

lifting corners of my lips

in a tender, knowing dance,

mirroring happiness,

in its purest stance…

 

Unexpected, 

rage ripped through, 

a fierce fiery beast, 

its claws shredding composure, 

its roar disrupting peace, 

burning bridges within, 

it left ashes in its wake, 

a testament of turmoil, 

a path of heartbreak…

 

In the wake of anger’s relentless burn,

I find calm… 

a welcome return,

a range of emotions, 

diverse and vast,

a complex portrait 

of my past.

 

Some nights, 

I’m engulfed in a longing so vast, 

lost in the aching echo 

of a deep-rooted past… 

But somehow, 

gratitude finds its way, 

a reminder of love’s warm ray.

 

Caught in the wild currents of my heart’s tide,

through highs and lows, I glide.

Every tear, 

a silent testament to sorrow’s bite;

Every laugh, 

a spark in the night;

 

In each sigh released,

a part of me unfolds, 

marking my progress 

as the story is told 

without judgment,

revealing a show stripped of pretense, 

a heart’s truth in its most intense.

 

Then,

a subtle clarity came into sight,

revealing the dormant joy 

patiently waiting for the light.

 

In this freedom to feel,
to openly face
raw, unrefined, uncharted core,
hidden deep within,
in the most vulnerable place,
of the unguarded space,
I found my healing,
my strength,
my unguarded grace

(2021 © Julia Delaney)

Be Alive 🌱
Love ❤️, Julia

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